Europe Goes to the Moon

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Europe Goes to the Moon!

by Nick Marinello

I recently read in the e-paper that Europe launched itself into the modern space age on September 27^th at 8:14pm. That right, the same people the brought us Protestants, the Spanish Inquisition, both World Wars and Jacque Chirac are trying their hand at space travel. Europe launched its first expedition to the moon this weekend and I say “thank God!” I know I’ve been waiting with baited breath for Europe to establish its space presence. 35 years after the United States and Russia first began expeditions to the moon our slower more sophisticated cousins are trying their hand at exploring the moon. The SMART- 1 rocket lifted off into the heavens and set it’s course for the moon, the satellite will scan the moon for up to 30 months in an attempt to discover new things about that hunk of rock we all know and love. I got a news flash for those crazy Europeans. THERE ISN’T ANYTHING THERE! I guess they thought that we just gave up on our lunar missions. You know those lazy American’s, probably got distracted by some new toy. Well we can thank our lucky stars that the Europeans aren’t as easily distracted, they are dedicated to learning everything there is to know about the moon. There must be untold secrets and treasures yet to be discovered up there. Thank you Europe for picking up this fumble. At this rate, in another 5-30 years we could see a manned European mission to the moon. The way I see it with the history that Europeans have with going to new places and their desire for empires I think this may be something we’ll be seeing very soon.

Really I’m excited for our transatlantic friends. With this new development they have one more thing that they can claim false superiority over the United States on. Apparently this new European rocket they got is going to get to the moon on “6 liters of fuel” which will be held over our heads if, big if, it succeeds. So, 35 years after humanity’s greatest accomplishment, other than easy cheese, Europe crosses the finish line in the global space race. Congratulations Europe! In the next 4 decades I look forward to the advances that you will be making in the world of deodorant.

That you can take to the bank.

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